Life after life…

 I have been “home” for the better part of a month now. I feel as if parts of me are falling back into the old routines… the people around me have not changed. I left. I lived. And now, I have returned. But this place I once called home feels more like an apparition. The cool summer breeze through my hair reminds me of a time I once knew. Memories flash before my eyes. I can feel the joy, the laughter, the pain. I open my eyes to see a bright summer day. These are the days I used to live for. Summer… no school, no work, no sports, nothing. I used to do whatever I wanted and not have a care in the world. I took each day as it came. We would fish for crawfish in the ponds, run through the sprinklers, spend the afternoon in the park… We would scream, laugh, and Live.  I know I once belonged here, but that time has come and gone. I know this place too well. Everything reminds me of something. Everything is familiar. Life here is easy. It makes sense. There is no challenge, there is no surprise, and there is no excitement. I’ve been here before. I’ve walked these streets a thousand times, but I left.
                Some part of me always knew I was destined for more. More than what, I did not know, just more. Something was calling me from deep inside. Something was making sure I did not follow the path. I left to find more. More than the memories of laughter, more than the path I had seen before me. I wanted to experience life. I only had 4 moths of what has come to be the most defining point in my life, but in those 4 moths, I lived more than I ever have before. I let go of the opinions others had taught me. I let go of the traditional path. I never wanted to follow the traditional path, I can’t stand the idea of having the rest of my life planned. So many people end up on the same track… That life was never for me. I need something more. Adventure, experience, adrenaline, pain. All these things make you open your mind, and once it’s been opened, you never want it to close. You’re constantly adapting, constantly challenging yourself. You stop caring about what job you have, what car you drive, how much money you make, and what university you attended. These things really don’t matter. In the end, can you look at yourself and say “I lived”?
                Something strange happened in my adventures that I am still trying to understand. When you’re truly happy, people can sense it. They can sense something is different about you. They want to share your spirit, they want to feel the energy. I touched people’s lives in ways I could have never predicted. Not just people I spent a lot of time with, but some people I hardly knew. The feeling you get when someone tells you you’ve given them motivation to really live and experience life to the fullest is unlike anything I have ever felt before. It’s captivating, motivating, and memorizing. You sit there for a moment and think “I just made this person’s life better”. Is this what I was meant for? I always knew I was destined for something, but is this what I am meant to do? The people that reached out to me and told me I inspired them inspired me more than they could ever possibly imagine. This is what I want to do. I want to help people find themselves. I have no idea how, or where, or when, but I know this is the beginning. I have returned.
                I need to keep moving forward. The people here are set in their ways. They have no need for me. I cannot help them. I do not know how to help them. I do not know how to inspire them. I am searching for a place where I can start, a place where I can learn. I am searching for a home.  The journey isn’t going to be an easy one, and I know I’ll probably fail more than I succeed, but that doesn’t matter. If in the end, I have only touched one person’s life, I will be happy. I want to make a difference.