Melon

I set out today with a simple goal in mind. My goal was to get away. I packed up some camping stuff, filled my camelback and bottle, grabbed a melon and jumped in the car. What’s the melon for you might ask? Well, it seemed fun! Head out into the woods and see how long I could make it with only water and melon. I drove an hour or so until I found what seemed to be a good spot to leave my car for the night. The day was hot, but not unbearably. After only a few hundred yards, I came to the river bank. I took off my shoes and crossed the South Platte. On the other bank was a large rock which looked like a perfect place to dry off. I took off my pack, got out my book and set off to reading. It is a book by the name of Aesop’s Fables. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. It contains hundreds of short stories written around 2600 years ago. These fables contain simple life rules in the form of a story, one of the most famous being the boy who cried wolf. I typically don’t read this type of book but when I saw it on a shelf one day I was drawn to it and immediately started reading.

An hour or two passed sitting there on that rock. Just reading, passing time, and slowly drifting off into a relaxing sleep. As I returned to the world, a large dragonfly landed on a stick just a foot or two from me. It was a strange creature with its large blue eyes and a slender green body. Something about it captured my attention and I spent the better part of the next ten minutes staring at it, just fascinated by the complexity. Eventually it departed, leaving me eager to continue on the adventure of my own. Full of fables of inspiration, just like the dragonfly, I was ready to be on to the next place. I grew up in Littleton, but there is not much for me here now.

Melon in bag, I set off. I wasn’t all too sure where I was headed, but I figured up would be a good start. It seemed as though the summit was only a mile or so away and it wouldn’t be too long before I was there and could see where exactly I was. As I started to walk, thoughts began to flood my mind. This is what I’m trying to escape, why have they followed me here? I climbed the dry sandy hill while the questions surrounded me. Why am I here? What am I doing? Is running into the woods going to help at all? What is there for me at home? Where is home? How do I make the next 8 days go by faster…

8 days. That’s all I have left now. That’s when it starts. That’s when I get to stop trying to find ways to make the days go by faster. 8 days really isn’t long at all! In the morning it will be 7! One week! Only 8 more hours until I get to go to bed…. Now 7! The thoughts buzzed around my head like a swarm of bees as I continued to climb. Eventually the top drew near. I took a step back, and looked at the view around me. It’s different than Montana. It’s… hard to explain how, but it just feels different. I finished the climb to the top and the swarm of thoughts in my mind seemed to vanish. 360* of mountains, rivers, trees and sky. A few roads off in the distance. I feel alive, but before too long they were back. When I was in Europe I learned to direct my thoughts and turn them into something productive. Maybe I should try that, but where to start!

8 more days, Littleton, Montana, England, Friends, Family, time, job, career, fun, love… The thoughts go on and on. I found a large rock to sit on as my gaze floated off into the distance. Eyes open, but seeing nothing. They are turned inward, trying to examine my mind. I’m not sure how long I sat on that rock. I was completely lost in thought, trying to pin down the source of the turmoil in my mind. First, the sad thoughts, seems like a logical place to start, and maybe they’re hiding something. I dig deeper and deeper. I feel the tears flood my eyes, but I’m not there yet, so I push farther. Why am I in such a hurry? I feel… Lost. I thought I had found myself, so where am I now? Maybe I should just go home and find simple mindless ways to distract myself for the next 8 days. That’s what movies are for right? Passing the time, making life go by faster. But why should I be in a hurry to watch life go by? Suddenly the surroundings come into focus. I gaze upon the vast expanses before me and inside me. There is so much more here than I will ever know. I could spend a lifetime exploring them and still just scratch the surface. I have no reason to be sad.

I came out here to get away from everything. Well, I did it. Here I am. And now, as my thoughts begin to align with my sight, a feeling crawls up from somewhere deep in my mind. I’ve been through this before. Why am I here? The truth is, I ran away, but not from home, from myself. I was starting to fall back into the old life I had lived. The pattern seemed all too familiar. All the free time I had was spent wishing I was somewhere else, but this is where was meant to be. 8 days! That’s all I have left! With friends, with family… who knows when I’ll be back again or even if I’ll be back for that matter! I shouldn’t be trying to get away from my friends and family, I should be making the most of the few days I have left with them. I care about them! Even if I do come back, will they still be here?

When the thought of going home early first entered my mind, I considered it a failure. As I think about it now, it no longer seems like failure. It has become a victory. Someone has to be free tonight! I should be there! Who knows, this may be the last time I see them for months, maybe even years. This is why I am here. I needed a reminder of who I am. I needed to clear my head. As the shadows grow longer, I breathe easy. My mind is at peace. The cool breeze fills me with excitement, 8 days! Pretty much 7 now! I’ve got things to do and people to see! The mountains will always be here. Adventure will always be here, but right now my heart is calling me home, that is my adventure.

So in the end, I returned home, grateful for the opportunity to remember what drives me forward. It turns out; sometimes all you need is a little peace and quiet and some time to explore your melon. Take the time to think about what really matters and don’t worry about the little things. Life’s about the bigger picture. Go out and live! And remember to explore your melon! (I’ve got an extra one in my pack if you need)

August 4^th 2015

Life after life…

 I have been “home” for the better part of a month now. I feel as if parts of me are falling back into the old routines… the people around me have not changed. I left. I lived. And now, I have returned. But this place I once called home feels more like an apparition. The cool summer breeze through my hair reminds me of a time I once knew. Memories flash before my eyes. I can feel the joy, the laughter, the pain. I open my eyes to see a bright summer day. These are the days I used to live for. Summer… no school, no work, no sports, nothing. I used to do whatever I wanted and not have a care in the world. I took each day as it came. We would fish for crawfish in the ponds, run through the sprinklers, spend the afternoon in the park… We would scream, laugh, and Live.  I know I once belonged here, but that time has come and gone. I know this place too well. Everything reminds me of something. Everything is familiar. Life here is easy. It makes sense. There is no challenge, there is no surprise, and there is no excitement. I’ve been here before. I’ve walked these streets a thousand times, but I left.
                Some part of me always knew I was destined for more. More than what, I did not know, just more. Something was calling me from deep inside. Something was making sure I did not follow the path. I left to find more. More than the memories of laughter, more than the path I had seen before me. I wanted to experience life. I only had 4 moths of what has come to be the most defining point in my life, but in those 4 moths, I lived more than I ever have before. I let go of the opinions others had taught me. I let go of the traditional path. I never wanted to follow the traditional path, I can’t stand the idea of having the rest of my life planned. So many people end up on the same track… That life was never for me. I need something more. Adventure, experience, adrenaline, pain. All these things make you open your mind, and once it’s been opened, you never want it to close. You’re constantly adapting, constantly challenging yourself. You stop caring about what job you have, what car you drive, how much money you make, and what university you attended. These things really don’t matter. In the end, can you look at yourself and say “I lived”?
                Something strange happened in my adventures that I am still trying to understand. When you’re truly happy, people can sense it. They can sense something is different about you. They want to share your spirit, they want to feel the energy. I touched people’s lives in ways I could have never predicted. Not just people I spent a lot of time with, but some people I hardly knew. The feeling you get when someone tells you you’ve given them motivation to really live and experience life to the fullest is unlike anything I have ever felt before. It’s captivating, motivating, and memorizing. You sit there for a moment and think “I just made this person’s life better”. Is this what I was meant for? I always knew I was destined for something, but is this what I am meant to do? The people that reached out to me and told me I inspired them inspired me more than they could ever possibly imagine. This is what I want to do. I want to help people find themselves. I have no idea how, or where, or when, but I know this is the beginning. I have returned.
                I need to keep moving forward. The people here are set in their ways. They have no need for me. I cannot help them. I do not know how to help them. I do not know how to inspire them. I am searching for a place where I can start, a place where I can learn. I am searching for a home.  The journey isn’t going to be an easy one, and I know I’ll probably fail more than I succeed, but that doesn’t matter. If in the end, I have only touched one person’s life, I will be happy. I want to make a difference.

"Never Stop Learning"

Today I started writing randomly about my adventures in Europe. A few hours later, this happened....

Four months ago from this day, a few friends dropped me off at the airport in Denver Colorado. That was the beginning.
As I turned and walked into the airport I knew I wasn't only leaving the people and places I had come to know and love, I was leaving myself.  But that was the goal, wasn't it? This was my turn to do anything I wanted! It was a strange feeling having so many options. I had no job, no commitments, no more school (uni), nothing! I felt free! For the first time in my life I really had no plans at all! Just a one way ticket to London, a 28L backpack full of clothes and a camera, and a train pass.
I still remember trying to explain to the UK customs officer that I knew what I was doing.
He was very skeptical when he found out I had no place to stay, no phone, no previous travel experience, no emergency contacts, and didn't know a single person in the whole country.
He went and talked to a coworker for a minute and I could see him reference me as they shared a laugh.
He returned and asked in an incredibly sarcastic manner "so this is your big European trip where you find yourself"?
My immediate answer was yes! with a blissfully ignorant smile on my face, but I quickly realized that's what he had just been laughing about.
I sheepishly added "I bet you hear that a lot", trying to boost my credibility.
He chuckled softly and shook his head as he stamped my passport.
After about 25 minutes of interrogation I was finally in!
Where am I?
Where's all the famous stuff I see in pictures?
I managed to catch a train into the city and there it was!
Then all of the sudden it hit me...
I was alone, out of water, a little cold, and had no clue what I was doing.
That first few weeks were rough. I met some amazing people, but really didn't know what to do with myself yet.
I have always been a shy person, and although the setting of the trip was in Europe and I've been lots of exciting places, the real journey was always to find myself.
The first real clue came in Bruges when I happened to meet 3 fantastic fellows in a hostel.
We spent the next few days rummaging around the city and drinking Belgian beer. This was what I needed. A good confidence booster to open me up a little and show me it's not as hard as it seems to meet people.
From here I jumped in head first.
I began meeting people left and right. There were times when I thought it was impossible not to make new friends along the way.
I learned so much, not just about Europe and culture, but about people.
About myself.
I met so many amazing people and had so many amazing experiences.
I realized I had become more open with complete strangers than I was with my own family.
I was willing to share my life with someone who I had only just met and may never talk to again, but why!
Maybe it's the lack of risk... They see you in this moment they don't know who you are and don't know anyone you know.
It's almost some unspoken bond that creates trust.
I wrote a few letters and sent a few messages.
I figured I would start with a few people and work my way out.
It can be strange and difficult to tell people very honest personal things after knowing them so long and never showing them this side of me before.
All I have to say about this decision is it was worth it. 
I finally realized how much all these people meant to me.
The weather wasn't great, there weren't any other people around, and I didn't know what was waiting for me in the future.
Although there are a few similarities, I must point out the differences.
I have found myself. I put myself through as many tests as possible and came out on top.
I don't feel lost; I'm not running from anything, I'm just content with where I am. 
It's nice to have a quiet afternoon to sit, and reflect on my travels.
Well, as some of you know, I'll be home in just a few days now.
Iceland is the last stop on the journey for me.
But it's not really the end.
It's the beginning.
I have new friends, new stories, new incentives, and new aspirations, but I also have old friends, old stories, old goals and aspirations.
I want to share them with anyone and everyone who is willing to not only listen, but to talk as well.
I may have a handful of new stories to share, but I'm sure all of you do too!
And I want to hear them!
I don't want to start over, but I do want things to change.
I'm different now, and I believe it's for the better.
I can't help but think of the man who laughed at me when I arrived in England.
If he could only see me now...
I have lived and learned so much in the last 4 months it's still hard to believe it actually happened sometimes.
It's difficult to put words to all the thoughts I have roaming around in my head, but I think this was a solid attempt... for now.
I hope this.... letter sort of thing... finds you well, and perhaps gives you the courage to change something in your life.
If you have any questions, need advice, have advice, or anything else, let me know!
I would love to grab coffee/tea/beer/lunch sometime!

Not a single hotel reservation, no return flight, and no plans.

Now what...?

I had no idea what to expect, but I knew it would change me forever.

I realized I needed this type of connection with the people I cared about back home.

As I sit here, alone in a hostel in Iceland, I can't help but think of the start of my trip. 

So why does this all matter?

I would like to finish with a quote a friend of mine shared with me. (Thanks Beth)

"You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and at this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again."